Thursday, December 24, 2009

be a friend and I'll be a friend

First of all I know that sometimes I care too much and sometimes I'm completely careless. In this situation I care way too much. There are certain people in my life that immediately attract my desire to be friends with them. The thing that kills me is if I have to work at it. I like being friends with someone, pursuing it, and be not just a mediocre friend, but a true close friend. When someone just isn't emotionally available it kills me that they just wont accept that I really am just a complete extrovert and really friendly.
I always feel kind of like a failure if this does happen where the person just isn't interested in hanging out or just simply being a friend. Ha...when I reread that sentence it sounds like first grade, but this is probably my number one weakness I would say. REJECTION. I won't even get into high school where Elise Peak being fully accepted by her peers just wasn't going to happen.

If you don't want to be best friends with me, that's fine. Can't you simply open your heart to gain an ally? I just don't understand your withdrawal. Its a free hug from me every time you see me guaranteed unless you really don't want one. I'll be here for you to ever confide in whether you need spiritual advice or just an ear to listen to. I'd love to be a pandora's box.

to do in life

my "to do's" before life is over.
I'm sure the list will continue.

1. make pottery and glaze it
2. shoot a gun
3. go hunting...peasants and bunnies I don't feel so bad about shooting. there's an over population
4. read 100 books in one year
5. actually read all of Ann
e of Green Gable's books so that I can have something to connect with my Grandma.
6. sell a piece of art
7. take the photos for a wedding
8. work in a flower shop other than Daddy's.
9. go to Africa
10. go to Thailand
11. go to Ireland and Scotland on my 21st birthday
12. graduate with an undergrad in Speech and Language Pathology
13. eventually visit every country
14. be a missionary for a long term period from 1 to 2 years
15. get engaged
16. get married
17. attend a John Mayer's concert
18. actually own all of John Mayer's music
19. actually attend any kind
of secular concert besides rock (Christian and worship concerts are the only kind of concerts I've ever gone to)
20. go to A.C.L.
21. visit Seattle
22. hit up New York, Brooklyn, and Boston
23. climb a mountain
24. go four-wheeling
25. bike down a mountain
26. camp. I haven't since I was about 5.
27. go repelling off of a bridge or somewhere crazy
28. own my own slackline
29. turn my bike into a fixie and give it drop handles
30. zip line through an African forest
31. ride an elephant as a means of transportation in Thailand. a tuk tuk!
32. I want to parasail. I know it
s not that much of a thrill, but I still want to try it.
33. write a book, and for someone to actually publish it
34. skydive with my Dad
35. make babies so that my Dad can become "Pops"
36. get lasik surgery
37. I want to do yoga and palates. I've never attempted either.
38. go rollerblading
39. go iceskating
40. wakeboard and water ski
41. fish
42. icefish
43. deep sea fish

and the list shall go on
I'm tired and about gone
its as if I have insomnia
now I want coffee with some mocha
God, give me some sleep
I want to live for You and not just be skin-deep.