Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I'll Take the Ticket and Keep My Arms & Legs, Thanks

So can I vent? I mean this is my blog... I suppose I'm allowed to have a negative post every once in a while.

This summer session has been horrible. I'm taking two classes, technology in personal financial planning and technical writing. Both of my teachers seem to either #1 hate their life and it shows in their occasional smile and rare laugh or #2 they love their job so much that they think we do too; therefore, overloading us with hours worth of homework.  On top of that I am taking another online course, History and not to mention I was just hired as a hostess at Carino's. Let's not forget about having a boyfriend because that takes work too. Not that having a job and boyfriend is bad.. it is a blessing!!! After all these accumulate, however, the stress and pressure can be over-bearing.

I signed up for this knowing I wouldn't have a social life the month of June but I didn't think that my actual friendships would suffer from it. I just don't have enough time in the week to pour into and spend quality time with any of my girls.  I'm bitter/ they're bitter - it just isn't a good situation.

Josh and I have constantly fought about me not giving him enough quality time; therefore, he doesn't feel affirmed and neither do I. He is trying to support me, but when eating and driving time don't count as quality time- there just isn't a spare minute in my pockets that I have to offer right now.

Let me tell you about my weekend and today, Monday the 21st.

I spent my Saturday doing about 4 hours worth of homework for my technology class, working, and finishing off my night with frustration after doing 3 more hours of homework. I did, however, get 8 hours of sleep before I went to church where Andy gave a fantastic sermon over Father's Day.  I joined the Hurst's for lunch. I had an hour to spare before we ate, therefore, to no surprise, I did homework, and followed up lunch with 2 healthy hours of more technology work before I went to work. At Carino's, it was my first day on the floor and my shift lasted 4 hours. At 8:30pm, I grabbed coffee and went straight to the library to finish up my assignments due at midnight. Some weekend.

This morning I was eager to be awake and lively for my technology class. I woke up at 7 and drank a cup of coffee while getting ready. I even did some things that I needed to do before leaving for school. In my 8 0'clock I realized that I hadn't finished my memo for my 10 o'clock class. I spent about 40 minutes writing that out about my how-to paper.  Then the printer messed up, and the computer in the alternative lab took 13 minutes just to load up.  By the time I wrote and printed everything off, it was time to go.

I walked to my 10 o'clock.  I had my 4 page paper with my memo all ready in my folder when I looked at the girl sitting next to me and her project. I did my project over a crochet potholder and she did a 32 instruction how-to over drawing a portrait.  It was in a 3-ring binder with a cover letter and table of contents.  Each page was nicely placed into laminated page covers, and each of her pictures had arrows to describe each step more thoroughly. She made my project just good enough to throw away.

I talked to my professor and he didn't comfort me by affirming his comparative grading rubric, which means my classmate's paper is going to blow mine out of the water. I struggled all day to be in a good mood, and even after my quiet time I was down and it was noticeable. After work, I was putting my left shoe on to go work out while I was stopped at a red light and somehow how I let up on the brake and tapped the car in front of me. The man was so sweet and after he took my information he asked me, "are you okay?" Thats when the crying started when I told him I was fine before I headed home bypassing the gym.

At this point I needed to be loved and comforted by someone actually here in Lubbock.  Josh, his dad, Haley, and Michelle were all at Ceta Canyon with no cell phone service. Janey was busy with her mom being in town. Amy and Diana were at work. I had already vented to Kyle that day, and Ama was at the pool. I literally in that moment felt so alone and helpless. I went home and cried myself into a nap for 2 hours.

After meeting up with Kyle and Diana for coffee and hanging out with Ama before bed, I realized that all that happened today was that Satan saw doors to tear me down and destroy what I had declared that morning, "a good day."  I just watched this video, and this man showed me how little my problems really are, and made me so much more thankful that I have self-determination to get through this summer session, and that a little nick on someone's car won't cost that much.  Not having any arms or legs might change that mentality for anyone. This guy is such an inspiration.

Check this out.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

i have felt that before and have wanted you to comfort me...as a friend. it sucks, the loneliness....

Anonymous said...

Love you girl! Sorry I the girl in class doesn't have friends or a boyfriend... But when she's not perfecting projects she's probably standing in the mirror practicing being the first one to laugh at the professors jokes and complementing him on his matching suspenders… she's lame. You're a rockstar! ;)
Chelsea

Elise Peak said...

Anonymous- I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. Please don't be afraid to approach me and let me know that this comment is from you, it'll only help me to improve and be more loving.

Chelsea- You've been such an amazing friend! I'm calling you soon.

Mindee said...

Elise. I love your blog, you are an inspiration! Its OK to have a bad day - we all do, sometimes its healthy... self realization is hard to come by, I think it sounds as if through this "bad day" you grew. Hang in there girl, if no one has told you lately.. You are doing a great job!! Daughter, Sister, Friend, Girlfriend, Child of God. Its a lot. Keep smiling, and hang in there. :-)

Elise Peak said...

Mindee-

I appreciate that so much. I know that I'm not perfect by any means, and when I do mess up or have a hard day its so important that I learn from that, move on, and Praise God through everything. Thanks for the affirmation. (: