Saturday, December 20, 2014

2nd Pregnancy: Week 15

I am so late in posting this blog - a week and a day to be exact, but my world has been in total chaos with a regular routine. As in, I was still working my regular 40 hours a week, going home to play with Shepherd, eat dinner, possibly watching a little bit of Survivor with Josh, and going to sleep as soon as possible. However, I started bleeding again Sunday, the 7th, and spotted all day every day for an entire week. I wasn't in hysterics this time as the blood appeared to be older, and I just spotted... for days and days and days.

Even though the spotting wasn't enough to worry about, I emotionally and physically felt like crap throughout the week with continued morning sickness and nausea throughout the day. Not to mention I was a total wreck because the entire week was filled with tears as my Grandpa was to pass at any moment from his lung cancer. Since he had been on hospice at home in bad shape, I was calling him about every third day. We would talk about who had thrown up more - me from my pregnancy sickness or him from his cancer taking over his body. As morbid as it all sounds, it was a way we could lighten the mood about how awful we both felt. Although I am pretty sure he won..

I called my Grandpa Joe while I was grocery shopping on Wednesday, the 10th, and we blabbed for almost 30 minutes about life. He told me he regretted not being able to get on the floor and play with Shepherd or coming over to our cousin's house to be with him where we spent most of our time over Thanksgiving break since he had been so sick. He said that he felt Shep never got a chance to warm up to him. I told him as long as we were admitting things I was mad at him and myself for not getting a second to spend one on one alone time with him over Thanksgiving. There were so many people in the house, I mainly saw him from across the room other than the brief moments I sat my big grown pregnant booty in his lap for the last time and the kisses and hugs when we arrived and left. He said he would have taken me on a Grandfather/granddaughter date if I would have asked, but only to the next room because that's as far as his legs and lungs would allow him.

The last conversation I had with him was spurred by a conversation I had with my mentor, Louisa. I had never actually had a spiritual conversation with my grandpa and had no idea where he was in his salvation. I told him that I had never actually asked him about this and it is partly because I am selfish and wanted to see him again in Heaven. I asked him and he told me he had made peace with the Lord and was so ready to go. He asked me to pray that he would go quickly, peacefully, and painlessly. I asked if I could pray for him before we hung up on the phone and afterwards he said, "amen. That was a good prayer." We exchanged I love you's, and he passed this past Wednesday, the 17th.

He was so sad he would not be meeting this little peanut in my belly, but he said he had no preferences on baby names. That if I liked the name then he knew he would like it too. He also had enough energy the few days before he passed to tell my mom he was sad I cut my hair off. I mean, c'mon grandpa, my hair cut is sassy! (;

This is my tribute post to my favorite and only grandpa. He was such a serious man that liked things in order as an Air Force man would with a little bit of humor every once in a while, but his serious face never made me shy away. I've been told by every older family member including him that when every other person would avoid my grandpa out of irrational fear, I was always the one to climb up in his lap, grab his face with my two hands, and kiss him right on the lips. I loved his snuggles, and he will forever be a treasure in my heart. This baby and Shepherd will certainly hear of how loved I was by my grandpa and the things he taught me. I may teach them once they are 21 that I learned at his house a little bit of Bailey's in coffee makes a cup of Joe pretty tasty. (;

15 weeks and 2 days at our friend's wedding

How far along? 15 weeks
Baby is the size of a: Red apple
Total weight gain: 6-7 lbs

Waist Measurement: 34 inches
Maternity clothes? Must. Buy. Winter. Maternity. Pants. SO DESPERATE!
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: Sleep hasn't been bad.
Best moment this week: Errrr... maybe just that I might have possibly felt the baby kick? It was one thud, and it never happened again.
Movement: I mean the one kick that may have been something else. It is hard to say!
Food cravings: Just not anything sweet, but nothing specific. I am hungry all the time, but nothing sounds good! So weird....
Miss Anything? Nothing this week.
Gender: Still a surprise (:
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Nausea, vomiting, and fatigue. I am actually thankful for the morning sickness as this is a sign of a healthy baby. We haven't checked the fetal heart tones since the Monday after my first bleed. As long as the symptoms continue, I am holding on to a healthy pregnancy even with the worst-case-scenario thoughts in the back of my head.
Belly Button in or out? In, but seriously it kind of pops out after a heavy meal. haha
Wedding rings on or off? On
Just very emotional for my grandpa.

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