After my flight landed and I walked in to my home, all I could think of was the quote by my brother-in-law when he too was in utter disbelief, "everything is everywhere!!!" I ended up just going to my friend's house to eat dinner to ignore the future mess I was to clean up and to allow my house to warm up a bit. The following day, my prenatal appointment didn't go exactly as I had imagined it. I imagined an immediate heart beat just thumping away, but that didn't happen.
Matter of fact, the nurse searched all over, even pushing my uterus to reposition the baby for the longest 5 minutes of my life. It felt like an eternity. As I was laying there, looking up at the ceiling tiles with tears streaming down the sides of my face, I finally said, "Is Kendra [my midwife] here? I would like her to be in here now." The nurse noticed that I was crying and apologized for how long it was taking and tried to comfort her. She was as sweet as could be, but at that point, I wanted someone I trusted and knew me. I was mad at myself for not waiting to have this appointment when Josh could be back in town. After a few minutes of waiting in the room alone, Kendra came in and just embraced me. Then she went to work with the doppler to find the heart beat. She, too, had a little bit of trouble finding the heart beat, but after a minute or so of pushing my uterus down and finding the right angle, I finally heard it. The RPM raised from 38 all the way to 71. We heard several times when he or she was either kicking or flipping around in there.
For some reason this pregnancy has had one thing or another go abnormally the entire 18 weeks. I love you little bean, but you have got to help a mama out and keep things chill for a while. When we couldn't find the heart beat, the most random things ran through my head thinking it was a miscarriage. I thought about how I was going to wait to tell Josh since he had just arrived at Breckinridge with his family, and I wanted him to enjoy his vacation. I thought how sad I was that Shep wouldn't have a sibling 19 months younger than him. I thought about how maybe I shouldn't have started drinking a cup of coffee a day starting the 2nd trimester, and how I could have been more diligent about taking my prenatal vitamins than I was. Then I was just mad that I would never get to meet him or her, and how not only was their life robbed, but so was my whole family's from meeting them. Thankfully, those thoughts dissipated as I listened to that heart beat get faster and faster. Tears still fell, but the thoughts turned in to imagery of this little one and Shepherd playing with each other as toddlers and lessons of how we are possibly going to teach a 19 month old to be gentle with a newborn.
So, yes, this week I have been irate, exhausted, heartbroken, and overjoyed all by myself with no one to fully share all these emotions with. I am beyond ready for my boys to get back home on Wednesday. Their arrival won't come fast enough!
|18 weeks and 3 days|
How far along? 18 weeks
Baby is the size of a: green bell pepper
Total weight gain: 10 pounds. I am actually pretty surprised. I thought it'd be more!
Waist Measurement: 34 inches
Maternity clothes? Yes or loose fitting clothes. Really I just wear scrubs every day to work so the occasions I do wear normal clothes, I am okay with squeezing in to my regular jeans or pants for a few hours. The metal button in my girth only screams at me after a few hours.
Stretch marks? Not as of yet. They are going to come to the inner thighs though, I swear. That's where all of my weight is going, people.
Sleep: Sleep has been great, especially since I got my Snoogle pillow
Best moment this week: Definitely hearing baby 2.0's heart beat, but also the best moments have been when my head has hit the pillow each night.
Movement: Absolutely. I am pretty sure I felt the baby move on the outside too, just once.
Food cravings: I didn't think I was craving anything, but, man, fries sound good every. single. day.
Miss Anything? MY BABE AND MY BABY! I am ready for them to get back.
Gender: Josh and I decided to wait to find out the gender. We never get to surprise ourselves anymore.
Symptoms: I have had morning sickness more this week than last week. Matter of fact, this morning I drove to Cincinnati at 6 o'clock in the morning to hit up an REI garage sale at 8am for my husband. The insane woman that I was this morning decided not to get coffee or breakfast in order to make it there on time. I ended up throwing up in a Gap shopping back half way from Lexington, but I never stopped. I ended up getting Josh leather hiking boots, a sleeping bag, 2 sleeping mats, and Shep a swimming shirt for $150. I know I saved around $300 at LEAST! BOOM! Throw up in a bag was totally worth it.
Belly Button in or out? Errrr out? in? I am not even sure. It depends on how big my meal was before I looked at it, or if I had digested food or not.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Mood?: Feeling accomplished right now, since I am such a garage sale shopper! (;