I was nearly in tears as I dragged through the door of the house and greeted my energetic 16 month old. It was around 5pm, and I begged Josh to let me have a 30 minute nap as I could feel my eye balls burning. "Begged" really does not fully describe how pathetically I asked him. I had a hint of rage in my voice, but you could hear more of a whimper come out. Begrudgingly, Josh agreed to watch Shepherd to let me nap for half an hour. He was just as exhausted as I was being shut inside for another day in a small house with an energizer-bunny-type toddler.
15 minutes in to my nap I hear footsteps head upstairs and in to Shep's room. My eyes snapped open as I hear Shep scream bloody murder as Josh was changing his poopy diaper. First of all, Shepherd hates getting his diaper changed. Secondly, he had a diaper rash making the entire experience intolerable. After about 5 minutes, Shep's screaming and crying dissipates, but I start to hear drawers opening and closing (slamming) in the bathroom next door. Finally, I sit up right as Josh opens the bedroom door.
Bless Josh's heart. At this point whatever self-composure I was holding in was completely gushing out all over the place spattering Josh right in the face. Just as an 8-year-old would, I stormed out of the bedroom in an oversized t-shirt and underwear with hair in disarray and a slight drool stain on the side of my face. I started yelling about how "I never get to sleep. EVER!" I rambled off 10 other child-like bursts of anger as I stomped down the stairs flailing my arms in the air and in to the kitchen to cook dinner.
Josh was only coming in the bedroom to sweetly wake me up from my nap and could not understand why I was being such a b... badly mannered wife. He came downstairs with Shep completely confused. I was shoveling different pans around on the stove, throwing onions on the cutting board, and slapping raw chicken on the counter. Josh ended up cooking dinner to let me settle down. I played with Shep for half an hour until dinner was ready. I was so "hangry" at this point, we ate in silence as I practically inhaled two fajita burritos.
Shepherd didn't get his afternoon nap so he was ready for bed directly after dinner. We read a few books before he laid himself down in his bed. I started singing his song, "Jesus Loves Me," and about 4 other songs later, I had lulled Shep to sleep with my shaky out-of-tune voice. The whole picture of my son finding my voice soothing and sweetly falling asleep to worship songs and hymns sent me into another wave of emotions. I walked downstairs and burst in to tears. Again, Josh was completely confused. I shared with him the sweet moment I just spent with Shep, and how much I loved our little family, how good God is, and how beautiful I think Shepherd is. Then I started apologizing for my earlier rage and now uncontrollable crying. I ended the night with a large bowl of ice cream covered in chocolate syrup with zero guilty conscience of the calorie-filled comfort food. I got the late-night-giggles and could not stop after eating the ice cream. I am sure all Josh could think was, "Lord, help me."
These are the days when I cannot balance my feelings. The slightest shift in my emotions don't play out softly, they come out blaring in the ugliest form of exhaustion, tears, rage or even abundant joy. These are so not the pretty parts of hormonal changes of pregnancy, and I have often found that this entire description correlates closely with those "time of the month" days ladies so often experience. A coworker of mine confirmed my connection of these crazy-lady-days with pregnancy days and PMS days. I am glad I am not the only one who is like this. Shew.
In conclusion, thank God for ice cream and chocolate.
How far along? 25 weeks
Baby is the size of an: acorn squash
Total weight gain: 22 pounds
Waist Measurement: 38 inches
Maternity clothes? Yes, but honestly even scrub bottoms are getting uncomfortable.
Stretch marks? None yet. For some reason I feel way bigger than I was in my first pregnancy, but I know it is all in my head. I wouldn't mind getting a little bigger with a few stretch marks, if I could guarantee a shorter labor!
Sleep: Sleep has been normal pregnancy sleep. Meaning, I get up every 3-4 hours to pee, but I would get more sleep if I actually went to bed at a decent time. I can't stop reading at night!
Best moment this week: This is so not anyone's business, but my best moment every day has been when I am able to take off all of my ridiculously uncomfortable clothes and crawl in between my covers with my cumbersome Snoogle pillow. I realize how absurd I have become, but my girth does not like anything squeezing it to death whether it is a Jessica Simpson stretchy band, sweats, or scrub bottoms that are increasingly becoming too tight.
Movement: So. Much. Movement. Movement has been all over, but mainly still lower in the uterus.
Food cravings: Meat, I guess. Josh was in charge of cooking dinner one night, and quickly after he told me he was making a vegetarian meal with bowtie pasta, sauteed peppers, and olive oil sauce, I suggested I would pick up some Polish sausage to go nicely with his dish. I have been wanting heartier meals, and meat has been my go to.
Gender: We have stuck to our decision to not find out baby 2.0's gender!
Symptoms: Nothing other than peeing as if my esophagus is attaching directly to the toilet and being unreasonably uncomfortable at 25 weeks.
Belly Button in or out? Out - same as last week. It is just barely out.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Mood?: I think we already covered this - outrageous.