When talking about having kids, my mom has told me over and over that I will have fear of the unknown with my first child and fear of the known with my second. She is so right. My fear of the unknown is minimal. I'm scared of Shepherd having a completely broken heart as attention is divided between him and his new sibling. I'm afraid this baby will wake him up during the night, and I'm afraid I won't be able to breast-feed very well like I experienced the first time around. I'm scared I won't go in to labor naturally and have to be induced or get a c-section, or that I will go in to labor naturally and won't make it to the hospital before I have the baby. I'm terrified something will happen and the baby won't be healthy.
The list is minimal when it comes to the unknowns about having this sweet baby, but I am more scared of the known. I know and completely understand what it feels like to get up in the middle of the night every 2-3 hours for at least 30 minutes for six months. I know how dependent a baby is and how they need you to meet 100% of their needs. I know I am going to have to go through the brutal work of establishing breast feeding. The painstaking hours of rocking, dancing, bouncing, etc.. to pacify the baby to sleep. I know all the ins and outs of having a newborn. Yes I am fearful, but I am so excited to sacrifice that sleep. I'm ready to to do anything to establish breastfeeding and find the perfect dance to soothe baby Hurst 2.0. It is terrifying to have a newborn, and there is no way to fully prepare because each baby is completely different. But I am ready.
I pray that God grant me grace when something doesn't go according to my plan and baby 2.0 doesn't fit my crunchy, breast-feeding, baby-wearing, cloth diapering, natural mothering that also allows my son to eat gooey sugary donuts every Saturday. WHAT IF THEY ARE CELIAC?! Regardless, I pray this baby comes soon. I pray the delivery is smooth and FAST. I pray breastfeeding goes well and that I have plenty of milk. Lastly, I pray that Shep transitions with ease as we welcome the 4th Hurst to the family.
How far along? 39 weeks
Baby is the size of a: Mini watermelon (20 inches)
Total weight gain: 38 pounds! I am now at the same weight I was when I was full term with Shep. I gained quite a bit this past week, but I think it is due to me cutting down on coffee. I decided to cut all caffeine because I realized how dependent I was on that one cup to get me through the day. I didn't want to have to have caffeine to get me through labor and I didn't want to intake anything that would potentially dehydrate my body. This week went great without it - no headaches, but I was ridiculously sleepy by about 2:30pm every day.
Update from the midwife: I didn't get checked this week, because I didn't feel like it, but the fundal height was 37.5cm and the baby's heart rate was 155bpm.
Waist Measurement: 42 inches.
Maternity clothes? Absolutely. I am excited at the thought of wearing normal clothes again!
Stretch marks? Still the few below my belly button and one just above it.
Best moment this week: This week was my last official week as a full time speech-language pathologist at my work. It was so bittersweet. I was to the point where I was absolutely exhausted and didn't want to work full days, but my coworkers helped me through! We celebrated my last day by eating amazing BBQ and they all contributed food that I could either eat now or freeze for later for when the baby comes. The therapists signed a card and I actually got another card in the mail from the staff at the nursing home wishing me good luck, etc... I feel as though I left my job well, but I am sad to leave my work family behind! I am glad that I will still be working there on occasion to fill in as part time. They made me feel so loved!
Movement: There has been lots of movement. At times when I'm laying down I've actually worried that the baby has flipped to breech.
Food cravings: Nothing in particular, but salmon has sounded disgusting and Josh asks me every night if I want him to cook some for dinner.
Miss Anything? I'm missing being able to chase after Shep, roll around with him, and let him lay on my stomach. He constantly wants to give the baby a kiss so I do love the belly kisses he offers.
Gender: We'll find out soon enough!
Symptoms: A little bit of indigestion, but the biggest symptom this week has been Braxton Hicks. Last thursday, the 28th, I had them all day long varying from 30 minutes apart to 15 minutes. I was unable to time them though, which confirmed that they were BH not actual contractions (Josh was convinced I was going in to labor).
Belly Button in or out? Out
Wedding rings on or off? On
Mood? Just completely ready and praying to go in to labor.