Monday, August 10, 2015

Barely Missed That Mommy Meltdown

Hey mamas, have any of you experienced a day where your significant other is sick. Thus, he is incapable of helping with childcare much less bringing a diaper and wipes to you, because he can't even take care of himself. Then, you have an out-of-his-mind 21 month old trying to buy your attention by cashing in every move he can think of - chest bumping you, driving Hot Wheels on your head sometimes getting your hair tangled in the wheels, and eventually screaming in to your crotch, because, of course, that is the exact height of said toddler when you're standing up. Alas, you can't give that little person attention, because you are bouncing your colicky 2 month old up and down for the 1500th time. You would think the 21 month old would go to his Grammy, but, no, he wants his mommy, naturally.

This described one of my mornings perfectly from this week. I was already sleep deprived as I decided to stay up late to indulge in all things adult. So I crammed my face with watermelon, chips and salsa, and ice cream. You know, all the healthy things. Then I proceeded to watch hours of HGTV and hold NOTHING. Talk to NO ONE. Change ZERO diapers. It was amazing until I paid for it the next morning at 6am. The sequence of all the madness turned in to cyclical chaos as I would get one baby to stop crying and turn my attention to the 2nd child before the 1st needed me again. This is the moment when I wanted to tear my clothes in bereavement of my sanity. 

I drove all the way to church alone (since Josh stayed home all sicky) with both children crying. I didn't even try to put the pacifier back in Judah's mouth. I simply put on some Bon Iver and wide-eyed drove the 20 minutes. It wasn't until I put Shepherd in to childcare and my mom took Judah off my hands that I could really sit still and breathe. 

Mamas, these are the days that turn your hairs gray and give you impulses to drive. Just drive as far away for as long as possible. But when you finally sit still what do you think about? I think about my babies. I think about all the kisses I'm going to get when I pick up Shep from childcare. I think about the sweet moments I'll get once Judah wakes up and I get to nurse him while he's half asleep. I think about the giggles I'll share when I get to wrestle with Shepherd when we get home in the afternoon and the books I'll get to read as Shep fills in the words when I don't say them right away. 

These are the days that we break into hours, and when we can't take the hours, we break them in to minutes. We can do anything for a minute. I will never regret putting up with screaming, crying, and intolerable babies. I will never turn back and say, "man, I wish I wouldn't have wasted my time reading that 4th book at bedtime even though I said I would only read 3." These may be the "hard days," but they are also the sweetest. The days after this will still be hard, but the problems just turn in to different issues. Instead of getting him to eat his vegetables, it'll be getting him to text us where he is at with his friends. The days of my boys wanting their "maw-ee" or mommy over any other person will come to a close before I blink my eyes. 

So when I have hard mornings like these, Josh reminds me to be in a place of gratitude. I am thankful that Shepherd over does it with the kisses. I am thankful I am able to breastfeed Judah. I am thankful the beautiful bright blue eyes of both of my boys are mesmerizing to me. I am thankful my husband is so positive despite his illness that is just a step above dysentery. I mean...thank God he still alive, and that I haven't contracted that nasty. 

I challenge you when you are having a hard day despite the age of your kids that you reflect on your life in gratitude instead of driving far far away.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Judah: Two Months

Eventually I'll get the hang of taking these pictures. You have to start somewhere, right?

How many months old? 2 months
Weight? 10.8 pounds
Doctor check-up? At his six week check up, he weighed in right at 10 pounds. I thought this was a tremendous weight gain as it took months and months for Shepherd to get to 10lbs, but he dropped in percentile to 23rd percentile. He was 22inches long so he'd stretched out quite a bit in 4 weeks. He also got a few vaccines. It was not pleasant, to say the least, to see my perfectly content squishy baby realize what pain was for the first time as the nurse, who did any excellent job, quickly gave him 3 injections. Although I was totally anti-vaccines at first and eventually became pro-delayed vaccines with Shepherd, I'll be honest, it was a pain in the cuss to delay them. I couldn't remember what vaccines he did and didn't have, and I wasn't organized enough to write them down or do my research as to what I wanted him to have at certain appointments. I just decided I was either going to be an all-in for vaccines on-schedule OR I wasn't going to not vaccinate at all with Judah. Since reading several articles such as this onethis onethis one, and more I realized that the original researcher correlating vaccines to autism admitted his falsification of data, unethical treatment of children and invalid results. Thus, I decided to just go all in minus the flu shots. He was not his normal self for a couple of days, but as the soreness worked its way out of his body he came around. (Thankfully before we headed out for our forever-long trip.)
Any teeth? no teeth
Sleep? Judah has totally been doing 4-5 hour stretches consistently at the beginning of the night and 2-3 hours after that. We've mainly exclusively co-slept, but the past couple of nights I have been able to lay him on his stomach to sleep (don't judge - I know that it not the recommended position) and last night he slept for 7 hours!!!!!!!! But guess who woke up at 4:45am and wouldn't go back to sleep? Not Judah...Mr. Shepherd decided that was the best time to start his day.
Feeding? Breastfeeding is going well! My current routine is to feed after he wakes up from naps and any other times that he is hungry. Sometimes I even let him nurse to fall asleep. I really just do an on-demand basis since I'm with him all the time and I can. I couldn't do that when I was working with Shep. I pump after JBeau feeds in the morning and I've been getting anywhere from 4-6 extra ounces! As much as I make in the morning, I have only been able to pump 2-3 ounces total in the afternoon without feeding Judah first. So I'm guessing that's why he has been crankier in the late afternoon and early evening times.
Eating anything? Not yet!
Developmental milestones? He really hasn't been rolling over too much, but he is holding his head a lot steadier when we sit him up or when he's on his belly. He loves to track to where our voices are.
Favorite toy? We have a baby gym made out of PVC pipe that we hang toys from. Judah has started batting at the toys, but he hasn't actually held anything in his hand yet.
Speech and language? He is really starting to coo and explore his voice through what sounds like a sigh.
Loves? He loves to sleep on his stomach, in our arms, or in a baby wrap. He loves to suck on his little fists. I've noticed he prefers to be in footed onsies, because his little feet get cold regardless of the ridiculously high temps outside. He has also switched to loving his pacifiers, which is way different from last month.
Dislikes? He hates his carseat, but loves his mama. I was so thankful he did so well on our 20 hour car drive. He slept almost the entire trip. If he wasn't sleeping, I would give him a bottle and he'd eat and go back to sleep. What a rock star!