This described one of my mornings perfectly from this week. I was already sleep deprived as I decided to stay up late to indulge in all things adult. So I crammed my face with watermelon, chips and salsa, and ice cream. You know, all the healthy things. Then I proceeded to watch hours of HGTV and hold NOTHING. Talk to NO ONE. Change ZERO diapers. It was amazing until I paid for it the next morning at 6am. The sequence of all the madness turned in to cyclical chaos as I would get one baby to stop crying and turn my attention to the 2nd child before the 1st needed me again. This is the moment when I wanted to tear my clothes in bereavement of my sanity.
I drove all the way to church alone (since Josh stayed home all sicky) with both children crying. I didn't even try to put the pacifier back in Judah's mouth. I simply put on some Bon Iver and wide-eyed drove the 20 minutes. It wasn't until I put Shepherd in to childcare and my mom took Judah off my hands that I could really sit still and breathe.
Mamas, these are the days that turn your hairs gray and give you impulses to drive. Just drive as far away for as long as possible. But when you finally sit still what do you think about? I think about my babies. I think about all the kisses I'm going to get when I pick up Shep from childcare. I think about the sweet moments I'll get once Judah wakes up and I get to nurse him while he's half asleep. I think about the giggles I'll share when I get to wrestle with Shepherd when we get home in the afternoon and the books I'll get to read as Shep fills in the words when I don't say them right away.
These are the days that we break into hours, and when we can't take the hours, we break them in to minutes. We can do anything for a minute. I will never regret putting up with screaming, crying, and intolerable babies. I will never turn back and say, "man, I wish I wouldn't have wasted my time reading that 4th book at bedtime even though I said I would only read 3." These may be the "hard days," but they are also the sweetest. The days after this will still be hard, but the problems just turn in to different issues. Instead of getting him to eat his vegetables, it'll be getting him to text us where he is at with his friends. The days of my boys wanting their "maw-ee" or mommy over any other person will come to a close before I blink my eyes.
So when I have hard mornings like these, Josh reminds me to be in a place of gratitude. I am thankful that Shepherd over does it with the kisses. I am thankful I am able to breastfeed Judah. I am thankful the beautiful bright blue eyes of both of my boys are mesmerizing to me. I am thankful my husband is so positive despite his illness that is just a step above dysentery. I mean...thank God he still alive, and that I haven't contracted that nasty.
I challenge you when you are having a hard day despite the age of your kids that you reflect on your life in gratitude instead of driving far far away.